She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
