There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude. I can hear the air.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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