I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
