I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are we still banned from the library?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
