I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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