It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
