Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
