Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
