Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
