Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
