I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
