My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
