summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
