went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
