My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
