I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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