no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
