too bad you live with your parents still
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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