Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
