I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
