Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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