Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
