She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
