I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
even my farts smell like vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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