what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
