An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How does one acquire holy water?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
