you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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