Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
