Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
