you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
