They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
