They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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