so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to calm my uterus...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize