1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
