please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
