she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
