mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
