Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
