All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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