I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
