Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
