Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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