There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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