I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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