Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
