im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
