you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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