The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think i have two assholes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He? As in you personified your dick?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
