Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize