ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
