I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
did i walk over a car last night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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