I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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