My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
