I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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