In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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