Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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