If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
