my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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