i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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