yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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