After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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