my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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