worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize