I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
being pregnant is like rehab
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
