I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize