i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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