I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize