Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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