the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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