dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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