I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just crazy horny about you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
