I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
