So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
