he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize