I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
