What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
