I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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