I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
