Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
