I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
