quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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