Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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