Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
