You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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