you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love you. Go after that dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
