Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize