I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
