Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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