i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is this the sara with the beer cane?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just found puke in my bra..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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