After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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