We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I smell like Dick and happiness
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
