Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize