Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
