I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
