Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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