: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
