No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
