I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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